


last night of my past life

by DominikaDecember



Series: Sugden-Dingle Household [7]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Fluff, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Loving Husbands, M/M, Past Relationship(s), References to Depression, Robron Week 2020, day 3: dads, mental health, supportive husbands, the past always comes back and bites you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:41:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24168271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DominikaDecember/pseuds/DominikaDecember
Summary: Aaron has come so far in his life but that doesn't mean his history is something to be forgotten.Part of my ongoing series and Robron Week 2020 Day 3: Dads.
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Series: Sugden-Dingle Household [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1718059
Comments: 9
Kudos: 39





	last night of my past life

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone. 
> 
> I hope you're all doing great. Your comments and kudos make me so happy and smile so much and want to keep writing about this beautiful family that belongs to these boys. 
> 
> This fic was written about a month ago and is incredibly unbeta'd. 
> 
> It's my love note to all the wonderful creators out there, to Danny and Ryan and to every single person who has come on here for a bit of happiness. I love you all and I am extremely grateful for the joy I've been given on AO3. 
> 
> Whilst everyone has their own ideas, this is my take from what I've seen on the show about Jackson and Aaron's relationship.
> 
> I also wanted to do something for Robron week and this fic seems to fit perfectly for me. 
> 
> Now without further ado, please go right ahead and read. Kudos and comments deeply appreciated!

Aaron took a deep breath staring at the notification. He installed Facebook back on his phone again and it was like fifty hundred things happened to everyone when he went off social media. 

But it was only one notification that caught his attention. 

' _Hazel Rhodes sent you a message_ '

He looked at the little icon of the woman and clicked on her profile. It was semi-deserted with only a few selected pictures available to view. The profile picture was of Hazel standing on a sunny beach with a smile on her face. Aaron remembered how much she liked travelling. He flinched away from the phone as the door to the porta-cabin opened up and his best friend settled himself into the small space. 

"I need a break, bro." Adam groaned rolling his neck around. "That dingy machine is giving me a massive headache, man." He leaned on the wall after popping the kettle on and looked Aaron over. "What's up with you?" 

"Nothing." Aaron shook his head. "Make us one, would ya?"

"Aaron." Adam crossed his arms. "Mate, I know you better than that." 

"Why can't you just leave things well enough alone?" Adam puffed out his chest. 

"Because I'm brilliant, aren't I?" The two men shared a grin. "Seriously, mate. What's wrong?" Aaron inhaled looking back at his phone where the message was waiting for him, still unread. Adam leaned forward and grabbed the phone out of his hand, his eyes going wide. "You're still in touch with her?" Aaron narrowed his eyes and took his phone back.

"Why wouldn't I be?" He asked, his sharp tone warning the other man who held up his hands. 

"I'm not having a go, mate. Just figured..." Adam thought his words over. "It's been a long time and it's been tough, what happened then. Figured you two would rather move on with your lives rather than keep in contact." He shrugged. "I would have." 

"It's not like we're bezzies." Aaron explained feeling annoyed. The water boiled over momentarily stopping their conversation as Adam made them both teas and passed Aaron's over before sitting down at his own desk. "I haven't talked to her since..." Aaron searched his mind. "Since before... Robert was shot. Jesus." He blinked away at the memories. "That's well over a decade ago." Adam blew on his drink and took a sip slowly hissing at the temperature. Aaron furrowed his eyebrows. "So much has happened, I wouldn't even know what to say to her." He admitted to his best friend. 

"Maybe start with hi?" Adam suggested with a sympathetic face. Aaron snorted in response. "I'm serious, man. Start with hi and then she'll take the lead. Remember how she is, don't you? Practically no one else in the room." Aaron looked down at the picture of the woman. She was older than he remembered and her smile not as bright as it used to be. 

"Alright." He murmured quietly opening the message.

-.-

"I AM NOT A CRAYON!" Seb was shouting at Ada who was rolling on the floor laughing when Aaron came home. He looked around for his husband who was talking to Jackie whilst cooking something that smelled utterly delicious. Baby Caleb sitting happily on the floor by Ada and babbling to himself. Seb noticed Aaron first. "Daddy! Ada keeps calling me a crayon! Tell her I'm not a crayon!" Roscoe ran into the living room from behind Aaron, bumping him in the process, with Liv following holding his lead. 

"Oh, hey." She said to her older brother unimpressed. "Did you hear that Seb is a crayon?" She asked him, making Ada burst into another round of collapsing laughter and Seb cry out dramatically before dropping himself onto the couch. 

Robert turned around and smiled at Aaron across the room. The younger man returned it happily. His home was utter chaos at that moment. Aaron picked up Caleb in his arms and placed a kiss on the little boy's head. 

"Daddy, someone called the landline for you." Jackie came over and placed a kiss on Aaron's cheek. "I didn't know we had a landline at first and I didn't know where the noise was coming from and then it worked just like a regular phone." She grinned at her father. "Isn't that amazing?" 

"Yeah, it's great." Aaron agreed, a massive grin threatening to spill over onto his face. "People were able to communicate before mobiles were invented. Ground breaking really." Liv sat down next to Seb on the couch, dragging the boy's feet up and placing them in her lap. 

"You still got a landline?" She questioned sending incredulous look towards him and Robert who stepped away from the kitchen kissing the top of Aaron's head. 

"We've got four kids, Liv. What happenes when there's a network outage or something?" Robert snarked at the young woman. "It's for emergency use only. I didn't even know anyone had the number to be honest." 

"I forgot we even had it." Aaron looked up at his husband. "Where is it?" Robert pointed to the bookshelf where Aaron could see a cordless stationary phone displayed more prominently. "Since when was that there?" 

"Since the signal went down all over the county on everyone's phones and Seb had a massive fever when he was one." Robert reminded Aaron going back into the kitchen to stir something. "Chicken and garlic kievs tonight with chips and corn." Aaron grinned at the back of his husband's head as the older man focused on preparing their tea. 

"It was someone from Manchester about scrap that he wanted you to take." Jackie told her father continuing on their conversation as if nothing interrupted them. "I told him that this was our home and not your business and the man said that he was super sorry but to tell you that he only had this number from ages ago and he asked what was the right number now and I said I didn't know but I would tell you and you would call him back when you got home." She grinned finished explaining as Ada and Seb started kicking wars with Seb still partially on Liv's lap and Ada on the floor. "I even wrote down his number." Jackie said proudly. "Like a proper adult." 

"She's stuck it on the fridge." Liv supplied trying to avoid getting kicked in the face. Aaron smirked and passed Caleb over to Jackie who took him happily and started to do audio commentary on their siblings' foot fight, jumping into the chair that Aaron vacated. The younger man put his hand on Robert's shoulder peering over into the oven. 

"That smells really good." He pressed a kiss to his husband's cheek making the older man smile. 

"It'll taste even better." He turned around to face Aaron and placed his hands on the younger man's waist leaning in and meeting his mouth. Aaron hummed into the kiss, his hands holding onto his husband's forearms gently. "Missed you today." 

"Me too. Glad I'm home now." Aaron admitted pressing their foreheads together. "Hazel send me a message on Facebook." Robert leaned back confused. "Jackson's mum." The older man nodded, realisation dawning on him. Aaron could see him swallow hard, anxious about what was coming next. "She's going to be back in the area and she'd like to get a coffee with me at some point. Maybe even come to the village. Her and Bob used to be pretty good mates."

"How do you feel about that?" Aaron shrugged at Robert's question. "You don't talk about that with me. I'm not sure what do here. If you don't want to see her--"

"It's not that." Aaron cut him off. He pulled back out Robert's embrace and looked over their family in the living room where Liv turned on the telly and was battling Jackie in a video game whilst Seb and Ada were building a circle around Caleb from some blocks, trapping the baby boy in. "I feel guilty." Aaron inhaled deeply and leaned back on the fridge. "I was supposed to look after her and I tried to keep in touch but... It got harder and harder. And I guess... I just feel guilty for moving on with my life." Robert put a hand on Aaron's shoulder. 

"Maybe we should have her over?" The older man suggested surprising Aaron. "Have a proper dinner with the kids, Liv if she's around and I'll even ask Marlon to make us one of his fancy meals." 

"No, you're alright." Aaron chuckled and shook his head. "It's a nice idea, Robert but Hazel..." He thought back to his first meeting with the woman. "She's a lot. Not sure you'd be good when faced up against her. Or worse." He shivered. "You'd get along immediately." He smiled at his husband who grinned back and leaned in for another kiss. 

"Think about it, yeah?" Robert asked. "Besides, I put up with Chas. How bad could Hazel be?" Aaron grimaced and grabbed the phone number off the fridge. "Aaron?" The younger man smirked as his husband paled and walked off to make his phone call. The timer bell rang drawing Robert's attention away.

-.-

"Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes!" He heard a familiar voice shout behind him. "And your sense of style is still as bad as ever." He turned around to see Hazel standing there with a big smile. "Come on then. Give us a hug, you big softie." He leaned forward, wrapping his arms around her and breathing in her smell. Her perfume had changed but it was still the same as he remembered. Soft, comforting and loving. His heart felt a pang at the memories swirling up to the surface. Hazel pulled back and placed a hand on his cheek. "Look at you, all grown up." She patted him. "At least you've let your hair grow out. Was worried that you might do something crazy like shave it all off." She chuckled. 

Aaron took the woman in for a moment. She was older which was to be expected. She still had a wicked sense of humour, massive smile and a semi-permanent tan from all of her travels but it was her eyes that stopped him. After all these years, they never got back the joy and sparkle that they had before Jackson's accident. 

"Even if I did, I'd still look well fit." He smirked and pointed to his car which was parked not far from Hotten station. Hazel stopped at the sight of his car. "What?" 

"This is your car?" She pointed to the family sized Toyota. "Bloody hell, Aaron. Do you drive at the right speed limit as well now?" He nudged her lightly. 

"Just get in and stop whinging. At least that's not changed, has it?" She made a face at him which he returned immediately. The drive back to Emmerdale short and spent with Hazel looking through the glove compartment, commenting on every new toy and the baby car seat in the back. As they pulled up to the Mill, he heard Hazel take a deep breath and looked at her as soon as the car stopped. "You alright?" He asked her quietly. She was staring out the window at the village with a glazed look on her face. 

"You live here?" Her voice laced with amusement. "Seems you and Carl King had similar taste then after all." She turned to him with a forced smile on her face. "Best to get on with it then." She left the car quickly, Aaron following suit. He could see her uneasiness but he couldn't do much about it. 

"It's very different." He pointed to the Mill. "From when the Kings used to live here." She nodded absent-mindedly, her eyes glued to the Dale Head with Kerry standing at the front door talking on the phone. Aaron touched Hazel's elbow gently bringing her attention back to him. She gave him another smile, this one sad with the memories of the painful past. He opened up his mouth to say something, anything, but at that moment Ada chose to run out of the house screaming and throwing herself at Aaron to hide. 

"Daddy! It wasn't my fault, okay?" Jackie followed outside with a scream of her own. Aaron raised his eyebrows at his daughter who seemed enraged. 

"DON'T HIDE BEHIND DADDY!" Jackie yelled running up to them and trying to catch her sister who escape and ran around the car instead. Aaron raised his eyebrows at Hazel whose jaw had dropped. "YOU RUINED MY FAVOURITE BOOK, YOU DOLT!" Jackie tried to get a grasp on Ada. 

"It wasn't on purpose! I was trying to make a secret hiding place!" Ada yelled back. "How was I supposed to know that it would hurt the book?!" Aaron massaged his temples as his daughters continued on screaming. 

"HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW?!" Jackie shouted her voice even louder than before. 

"Enough!" Aaron interrupted, the two girls looking up at him from two sides of the car. "You're doing my head in with your arguing." 

"Daddy. She destroyed my favourite book." Jackie explained her fists clenched tightly. "She needs to be punished." Aaron put his hands on his daughter's shoulders. 

"How about you don't tell me how to do the parenting thing and ask daddy to order you up a new one?" She didn't move. "Jackie, I promise you that Ada will be punished for such a heinous crime. Now get." The little girl glared at her sister one more time before turning back to the Mill and stomping back inside. Aaron saw in the corner of his eye as his other daughter tried to sneak away. "Oi." She sighed but walked around the car to stand in front of him. "What did I tell you about touching your sister's property?"

"To have a good reason to do it?" Ada suggested making Hazel snort behind him, using Robert's smart wit to get out of trouble. The little girl focused on the stranger. "Daddy, who is that lady?" Aaron took a deep breath. 

"Just get inside, I will deal with you later." Ada followed his orders as Aaron turned back to Hazel but she eyed the older woman carefully. He rolled his eyes as Hazel grinned at him. "Right, so those two, they're my girls." He said annoyed. "Massive headache most of the time." 

"You named one of them Jackie?" He leaned back on the car nodded. 

"My husband's idea actually. He thought it would be a nice way to honour Jackson." Hazel smiled. 

"It's a lovely gesture, Aaron." The older woman told him easing something off his chest. "They seem like a lot of work."

"They are." Aaron assured her. 

"Good." He scoffed. "You deserve it for being such a pain yourself, you. Don't even try to deny it." They shared a half chuckle over how much trouble young Aaron brought them. Hazel looked around the village and spotted Bob’s cafe. "That's still doing well, I see." 

"Yeah." Aaron took a moment. "I'm sure Bob would love to see you."

"D'you think?" She questioned with a cheeky smile. "Might fall at my feet over how beautiful I've become." 

"Oh, he'd drop dead for definite. And it would be absolutely because of your looks." She swatted at him as he laughed. "Maybe head over before tea?" Hazel looked at him determined. 

"I think I will. But I'm leaving the pub for another day. No need to get plastered on my first day back and make a joke of myself." 

"Why stop today?" He commented earning another swat. 

"Charming, you." She took a deep breath. "I'll be round yours soon. Wish me luck."

"You won't need it." Aaron said softly as she tugged on her top and walked off into the direction of the cafe. He watched her feeling like he could breath again. He heard Robert walking out of the house, finishing a phone call. 

"Just checking if everything's alright." The blond man said as he came over. "Ada said you were being kept by a strange lady she's not seen before. Did you lock her in the boot?"

"No, she's gone to the caf." Aaron replied looking at his husband who was staring at him with concern written all over. "It's been good, actually. I've not kicked off or anything. But it's early still." Robert chuckled. "She's already enjoyed the show that Ada and Jackie put on in front of her. And she made fun of my car." 

"Did you expect anything else?" 

"Not really, no." He smiled at Robert pulling him in for a quick kiss. "Come on. We got a daughter to ground."

"What about--?"

"She'll be back. She's got her own stuff to deal with when it comes to this place." Aaron told Robert and tugged on his hand to head back inside the Mill. 

-.-

Roscoe kept on coming over to steal more food from everyone. 

"Seb. No more." Aaron warned his son who pouted, caught in the act. "He'll get sick." 

"Come off it, you keep on feeding him." Hazel interjected. "The only thing that will make that dog sick is of looking at your grumpy face." Robert laughed pouring the three adults more wine. Hazel looked at Liv. "You're not having any, love?" 

"No, thanks. I don't drink." Liv said not meeting anyone's eyes. Hazel nodded and Aaron braced himself for an insensitive comment. 

"Well, I'll have hers then." She motioned to her half full glass at Robert. "Fill her up, love. Some say I'm most interesting when I'm mullered. Life's too short not to enjoy myself. I say that to myself, you know." The older woman turned to little Ada who watched her fascinated throughout the entire dinner. Aaron smirked at the drunk. "I said to myself, I said Hazel. You enjoy yourself and don't worry about anything because the worst has already come." He felt his smile slip off his face as Hazel paused reflecting on her words. 

"What happened?" Ada asked quietly sensing the change in the older woman’s mood, silence dropping around the table. Even baby Caleb didn't make a sound watching everyone. 

"My son died." Hazel smiled sadly at the little girl. Aaron felt his throat close up and tears prickling at the back of his eyes. "Jackson. It was a long time ago." 

"Daddy says I was named after Jackson." Jackie said looking at Robert nodding lightly in response to his little girl. Hazel sent her smile to the blond man who was watching Aaron concerned. "Who was he?" 

"He was daddy's boyfriend." Robert told Jackie. "I never got to meet him but heard he was pretty good at insulting this one." He pointed to Aaron making Hazel laugh a little. The younger man stared at his plate not responding, just listened.

"He was." She agreed, a few tears running down her cheeks. "Constantly winding either me or him up." She wiped at her face. "Look at me, being a blubber. Not a very nice dinner guest, am I?" She took a deep breath and turned to Jackie. "All you have to know is that he loved your daddy very much." 

"Not enough to stick around though." Aaron muttered under his breath. 

"Aaron." She sighed exasperated. He frowned at his plate feeling a familiar pain of abandonment in his chest. 

"I'm not having a go." He explained not meeting anyone's eyes. "Honest. It's just that some things are more important than loving someone." He gulped down his wine as Robert nudged Liv to take the kids outside to play in the garden. Aaron waited until the door closed behind everyone before meeting Hazel's eyes. She surprised him by giving him a watery smile. "What?" 

"He'd be really proud of you." She motioned to the Mill. "Of all this. Of this very handsome husband you've got." She winked at Robert who chuckled at the compliment. "Of your family." Aaron sighed. 

"You don't know that. No one does." He poured himself more wine. 

"No. But I believe that, you grumpy sod." She pointed to her own glass. "Don't be stingy, now." He rolled his eyes but did her bidding. "I genuinely didn't think I could do this. Come back here. A year ago I wouldn't be able to." 

"What changed?" Robert asked softly. 

"I did." Aaron snorted getting another swat from her. "Nice as per." He made a face at her in reply. "I have come to terms with Jackson's death a long time ago. But coming back here was another step to accepting my boy was gone. And that this was the place that took him." She downed her wine. "This village has been very kind to me but sometimes that kindness is simply too much. Was very surprised about some of the things I found out that have happened. Brenda and Pearl talked my ear off so much, I think I would have lost it if Bob hadn't taken me outside. He's a good man." She smiled at her memories. "I am really grateful for how good of a friend he was to me." Aaron noticed Robert was still watching him. 

"What?" 

"Nothing." The older man said quickly turning back to Hazel. "So you sticking around for a bit or heading out to travel some more?" 

"Oh, I got myself a room at the B&B for a few days. Going to see maybe Paddy. How is he?" She asked Aaron. 

"Him and mum are sort of together." The younger man frowned. "Can't remember if they are currently engaged or to be engaged or what but they got two girls now. Grace and Eve." Hazel leaned back in her chair. 

"Look at you. Back when, you used to be such a lonely boy and now? Not only do you have your own family, but also three sisters to boot." She shook her head. "I am very pleased for you, love. You look happy." Aaron couldn't help himself. He looked at his husband and felt a warmth spread over all the pain and hurt that Hazel's return and its' memories brought up. When he first came back to Emmerdale, he never in a million years thought he would have this. 

He was upset and confused and abandoned and desperate to love anyone. 

He was so angry. It felt like a permanent state of being rather than an emotion felt every other day like it was now. 

And the loneliness of it all was crippling. 

But here he was. 

Aaron Sugden-Dingle in a loving marriage with four children and three sisters, his own business with his best mate and no physical outbursts for a long time. 

"Yeah, I am." He smiled at Robert who beamed back at him, crinkling his eyes with joy. "I'm happy." 

-.-

Hazel left a few days later with a promise that she would keep in touch more and demanded that Aaron do the same. Chas wasn't exactly ecstatic towards the other woman but she didn't claw her eyes out which was progress in Aaron's mind. He understood that Chas worried about him being sent down the rabbit hole again but Hazel at a certain point was the mother that he always needed, more than Chastity DIngle, and he wanted her to understand that. It was a difficult subject for either of them. 

Especially since Chas had a habit of making Aaron's issues about herself instead of actually listening and supporting him. He had learned that his mother would never change on that aspect from his counselling, and had accepted that the only thing he could do was control his own reactions to her. 

"She's interesting." Robert told him one night as they were getting ready for bed. Aaron already tucked in scrolling through photos on his phone and the older man looking at himself in the mirror putting some cream underneath his eyes. "A lot like you said." Robert turned the light off and got into the bed next to Aaron, the younger man putting his phone away and facing his husband. "But she clearly cares a lot about you."

"Even after all this time." Aaron agreed, cuddling himself up to Robert. 

"It's hard no to." The older man smirked. "Do you... Do you ever think about what would your life be if...?" Robert trailed off reluctantly. 

"If Jackson was still alive?" Aaron supplied. Robert's eyes softened in agreement. "I used to." He admitted to the older man. "I used to think about what life would be like if he never had the accident and what my life would be like after the accident." He took a deep breath, heavy emotions weighing down on him. "I would have stayed with him if he was still alive. I never knew what it was like to love someone before I met him and I would have. Nothing would have ripped me apart from him, no matter how difficult he was being." Robert placed his hand on Aaron's cheek, steadying him in his painful thoughts. "If he never had the accident though... I don't think we would have. We had a laugh, he was a good mate and then it got serious real quick. But he couldn't handle it. My anger. Not like you can. He... He wanted me to change to become something I wasn't and then I did change but not like he imagined. A part of me still loves him but if he never had the accident and was still around, I don't think me and him would have made it." Aaron confessed sadly meeting Robert's eyes. "And that makes me feel even worse about what I did." 

"You did what he wanted." Robert whispered moving in closer, their foreheads touching softly. "He wasn't happy."

"I know. Doesn't make it any easier. I'll have to tell the kids at some point. It was bad enough telling Liv. If that ever happened to you... I don't think I would be able to make the same choice." Robert traced his thumb over Aaron's bottom lip. 

"I would never ask you to. No matter how bad life gets, as long as I've got you, everything will be alright." The older man assured Aaron, leaning in to kiss him. Aaron wrapping his hands around Robert's body, holding him close enough to feel the older man's heart beat against his own rib cage.

"Thank you." Aaron whispered. "For not being a total prat during Hazel's visit." Robert huffed out warm air against Aaron's lips. 

"I'm a charming man, Mr Sugden. Everyone ends up loving me eventually." Aaron rolled his eyes but smiled and hid his head in the crook of Robert's neck, feeling safe in his husband's embrace and falling asleep slowly with Robert's breath evening out into his own slumber.

**Author's Note:**

> hit me up on tumblr: [dominikadecember](https://dominikadecember.tumblr.com/)


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